Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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