This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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