why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
