I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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