yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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