I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize