If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
