happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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