If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
