My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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