I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
