She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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