I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
