Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
