she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
