GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
don't judge my taste in strippers
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Panties = found
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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