When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
