I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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