dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
