just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
