I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
