everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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