It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
