So drunk its hurt
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
