I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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