Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize