is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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