I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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