11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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