I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize