my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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