Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize