can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
