wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
