I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
