Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
