i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
