9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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