Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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