the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
