I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize