Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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