yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
