I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So squirting runs in the family.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
