i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
