he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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