Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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