I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
