woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
