If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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