Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
