There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
