my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
