Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
