Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
