Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
