so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want to make out with him forever
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
