listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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