How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
