it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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