OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
