She is in my trunk
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
