You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He told me they were just razor bumps!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize