I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
