You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
