I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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