brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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