we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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