To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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