Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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