yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
