I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
