Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
