How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
