the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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